INNOCENT BYSTANDERS

Is your boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/wife/whatever giving you shit because you’re keeping them awake at night? Is it even fair they they get to sleep when you can’t? (No). If you’re affected, but the person you “sleep” with isn’t, tell them to read this and shut up. They’re not the one with the real problem here, you are. And if they can’t handle your werewolf ways, there’s always the couch.


 

Dear Person who has to put up with a Moonitis sufferers shit,

If you’re the kind of annoying ass boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/wife/whatever who wouldn’t even know it was a full moon if your partner didn’t sprout ear hair and start twitching, then the first thing you gotta know is fuck you. You don’t know what that shit is like.

Because you probably don’t know what having your brain squeezed in a vice is like. Or what being jacked up on a 3-day paint can huffing binge is like. Or what feeling the hairs actually sprouting out of your skin is like. Think PMS x 1 million. Think your worst hangover x 1 billion. Think bad acid trip x 1 or maybe 2. Shit is rough.

And it gets a whole lot worse in the morning. Especially if you were out late running around naked, howling like a banshee, and sinking your bloody fangs into things. (See Legal Help.)

So as far we’re concerned, you got two choices:

  1. Deal with it. Try giving your partner back scratches. That calms most werewolves down.
  2. Don’t deal with it. Stay at your Mom’s for a few nights. Decide which is worse.
  3. Ignore it. This can be risky, but if you can forgive your partner’s nocturnal antics without being judgmental, then this might be the best course of action.

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *